Peer groups for addiction and alcoholism are an integral part of the healing and recovery process. These assemblies of the hopeful can be extraordinarily effective at facilitating constructive interactions between people who are attempting to make a successful transition from sickness to health. Recovery from addiction is hard and challenging work, and the advice and support that substance abusers receive from their peers in support groups can be valuable beyond measure.

Or at least, this is how it should be. Unfortunately, peer groups are no different than any other type of self-organized entity in that they can be highly effective or completely dysfunctional depending on the quality of the input of the participants. Ultimately, those who attend peer support groups must put in a real effort to make sure these self-organized healing-centered associations deliver on their promise to assist, and without this type of care and concern a peer group may come nowhere close to living up to its potential as a force for good.

A lot of the responsibility for the quality of the peer group experience obviously falls on the shoulders of the group leader, who must use his education and experience to help steer discussions in a positive direction. But while a good leader has great influence, if the members of a peer group don’t hold up their end of the bargain, even the best leader will not be able to organize an assemblage that rises above the mediocre. The voluntary relationships that the members establish among themselves are the lifeblood of all peer support groups, and it is vital that recovering addicts and alcoholics who attend group meetings work hard to make these gatherings productive and enlightening for all.

To some extent this burden may seem a little unfair; after all, addicts in the early stages of recovery already have a lot on their plates, and asking them to take on the added responsibility of helping to ensure that peer support groups are run effectively may seem like a bit much. But passivity is not synonymous with recovery from chemical dependency, and anyone who is serious about overcoming a drug or alcohol problem should be ready to take an active role in his or her project of redemption at each step along the path. If a peer group is only as good as its members – and this truism is as rock-solid as they come – then each of those members must be prepared to expend effort and energy to facilitate the recovery process, for their own good as well as the good of their fellow addicts.

So what characteristics make a good peer support group member? There are many possible answers to this question, but the analysis of peer group dynamics that follows should provide some useful guidance for those seeking insight.

Recognizing and Respecting Boundaries and Communication Styles

Addicts and alcoholics in peer support groups share a common problem, but nevertheless each is a profoundly unique human being whose differences must be recognized and acknowledged. Human individuality is the main reason listening skills are just as important in communication as speaking skills, and peer group members should concentrate very closely on what their fellow group members are saying so that they can respond appropriately and constructively to what they are hearing—presume nothing but hear everything, this should be the credo of all peer support group members when dealing with their fellow recovering addicts.

But to gain real insight, it is also important to hear what people are not saying—while some people are comfortable speaking about their lives and their problems in public others are far more reserved and reticent, and everyone’s preferences and styles should be understood and respected. In ways that are sometimes subtle and sometimes obvious, each and every person in a peer support group will let the others know when they are ready to talk, how much information they are willing to disclose, and how much honest feedback they are comfortable receiving. Good peer group members realize this, they pay attention to the signs, and they adjust their interactions with their fellow recovering addicts and alcoholics accordingly.

The Power of the Practical

Recovering substance abusers attend group meetings hoping to find support and understanding, but they are also looking for practical advice to help them cope with the pitfalls and temptations they will inevitably face as they travel the path to sobriety. Whether their useful knowledge has been gained through wise analysis or trial-and-error, most recovering addicts have discovered strategies and techniques that have helped them make it through the rough times, and their “stories of the road” can be immensely helpful to others who will likely face, or are already facing, the same obstacles on their journey to good health. For the newly sober the possibility of relapse looms at every moment, and any ideas about how to handle cravings, overcome the depression that often accompanies withdrawal, or resist the triggers that can sabotage recovery in an instant can be extremely helpful.

In general, a positive attitude in the peer support group setting is highly recommended. But vague, pie-in-the-sky platitudes sound insincere and can actually interfere with the establishment of good relations between support group members. Hard-earned practical advice, on the other hand, will always be accepted with gratitude and appreciation.

The Grace of Acceptance

Giving good advice is wonderful, but accepting the suggestions and insights of others with good grace also helps to make the atmosphere in peer group sessions feel warm and inviting for all who come. When people feel free to share their thoughts about the situations others are experiencing, and when they know their efforts to help will be applauded, it enables them to connect more deeply with other recovering substance abusers and helps them open their hearts and minds to the guidance they will be offered by others in return. Regardless of whether the advice a particular person gives actually has the potential to help anyone else is irrelevant; just the fact that he or she feels comfortable speaking up and contributing is what matters the most.

Peer group members really do need each other, for validation as much as for anything else, and for this reason everyone who attends group meetings should give equal attention to all. Recovering addicts and alcoholics are searching desperately for a renewed sense of purpose, and having the chance to help others who are in a similar situation can help fill in the emotional and psychological gaps that will come to the forefront once drugs and alcohol are no longer around to provide their dubious compensations.

Following the Leader, and Letting the Leader Follow

As previously mentioned, group leaders play a vital role in managing and developing peer groups that actually work the way they are supposed to. But even though they are officially the ones in charge, group leaders still need all the help and support they can get. For example, peer group members who listen closely to what their leader says and ask questions or offer critiques can boost his or her efforts substantially, offering positive reinforcement to a message that may be of vital importance to everyone.

In peer groups, leaders are only as good as their followers. When recovering addicts and alcoholics are willing to support their leaders’ hard work by participating eagerly and attentively in the discussions they initiate, it sets a good precedent and encourages others to get more deeply involved as well.

Narcissism is a term psychologists and psychiatrists use to describe the combined presence of personality traits such as self-absorption, grandiosity, and an unrealistic sense of personal importance. Some aspects of narcissism can play a healthy role in a person’s life, while other aspects tend to produce social and interpersonal problems. In their worst form, narcissistic traits can manifest as a diagnosable mental health condition called narcissistic personality disorder. According to the results of a multi-university study published in 2012 in the journal PLOS ONE, narcissism produces significantly more negative health effects in men than it produces it women.

Narcissism Basics

Most psychologists and psychiatrists agree that a limited amount of narcissism can play a positive role in a person’s everyday life, both during the developmental stages of childhood and later on during adulthood. Experts in the field sometimes refer to this positive influence as adaptive narcissism. People who engage in adaptive narcissism can receive such benefits as an increased tendency to exercise, improved academic performance, an improved rate of recovery in the aftermath of a traumatic injury, improved or broadened employment opportunities, self-sufficiency in intimate relationships and improved parenting skills.

While adaptive narcissism can be beneficial on both a personal and social level, unlimited or maladaptive narcissism can have the opposite effect. Tendencies associated with unhealthy narcissism include an inability to hear the concerns of others, lack of empathy for others, an inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s actions, an inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s emotional states, and an unusual sensitivity to real or perceived criticism. The authors of the study in PLOS ONE break narcissism down into five personality traits, three of which tend to produce healthy narcissism and two of which tend to produce unhealthy narcissism. The three traits associated with healthy narcissism are self-absorption/self-admiration, leadership/authority and superiority/arrogance. The three traits associated with unhealthy narcissism are entitlement and exploitativeness.

Narcissism in Men

After reviewing their results, the authors of the study concluded that men and women with high scores for healthy or adaptive narcissism don’t experience significant increases in their cortisol levels. This finding indicates that adaptive narcissism does not produce stress. However, men with high scores for unhealthy narcissism do experience significant cortisol increases, and therefore experience substantial increases in their stress levels. In line with this finding, the highest levels of cortisol elevation occur in men who have the highest level of involvement in unhealthy narcissism. Interestingly, women with high levels of unhealthy narcissism experience less than half of the cortisol elevation that occurs in their male counterparts.In the study published in PLOS ONE, researchers from the University of Michigan and the University of Virginia used a 40-question questionnaire to determine the narcissism levels in a group of 106 adult undergraduate students. They also used saliva tests to check these students’ levels of a substance called cortisol. Cortisol is the body’s most important stress hormone, and when its level in the body increases, affected individuals experience mental symptoms of stress such as fear and anxiety, as well as a variety of physical stress-related effects.

Significance

Chronic stress is associated with increased risks for such things as depression, memory problems, sleep disturbances, obesity and heart disease. The men and women who participated in the study published in PLOS ONE did not undergo any stress-increasing experiments before having their cortisol levels checked. Instead, their cortisol levels reflected the amounts of stress they experience during everyday life. The authors of the study believe that this fact indicates that men with unhealthy forms of narcissism are regularly exposed to unique risks to their mental and physical well-being.

Social stereotyping may help explain the negative impact of unhealthy narcissism in men, the authors of the study note. For example, many of the common social definitions for “manliness” coincide with the personality traits of narcissism. If any given man with generally healthy narcissistic traits tries to live out the social expectations for males, he will probably not suffer any major negative consequences. However, if a man with generally unhealthy narcissistic traits tries to live out the same set of expectations, he can reinforce his damaging narcissistic behaviors and end up dangerously boosting his stress levels. As plausible as this sounds, it’s currently just a theory. Researchers will need to make additional studies before they can truly explain why unhealthy narcissism has such a strong impact on men.

Choosing the best drug rehab treatment program can be a difficult endeavor.  Whether you’re looking for addiction recovery for yourself or you’re helping a loved one make the choice, there are many considerations. One of the most fundamental decisions for many people is deciding between a faith-based Christian treatment program and a secular facility with no religious orientation.

Christian Rehab & Secular Rehab Similarities

Christian drug treatment programs really aren’t vastly different from secular rehab facilities. Regardless of the basic approach, you can expect trained medical staff to care for your needs during detoxification. Medical professionals will be on hand to provide 24/7 monitoring of withdrawal symptoms. They will also constantly assess for drug use-related concerns that may require hospitalization or other care.

In both kinds of facilities you’ll receive a range of treatments designed to address your emotional needs. Many facilities provide treatment for any underlying mental health conditions that can sabotage your recovery.  For example, many people with substance abuse problems also struggle with psychiatric disorders such as major depression, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or other mood and anxiety disorders.

Christian and secular drug rehab treatment programs are both designed to meet your physical needs as well. Addiction depletes your body of needed resources, sapping you of strength and energy, while making you feel physically ill. A quality addiction center, no matter what its approach, will help you rebuild your physical health. Depending on the individual facility, you might take yoga classes or go on nature hikes. Improving your physical well-being through exercise will bolster self-confidence and help your body release endorphins.  Endorphins are your body’s own natural “feel-good chemicals.”  They help keep your mood stable and enhance your sense of well-being.

You can also expect to find help developing an aftercare plan. The substance abuse recovery team may recommend sober living to make it easier to transition into a life that’s free from addiction. Additionally, no matter which type of treatment you choose, you might have access to services like job skills training, development of decision-making skills or anger management. Addiction specialists can also help you find additional treatment, such as marriage or family therapy that may be needed to address damaged family dynamics.

Being a Christian does not mean that sobriety can only start at a Christ-centered rehab program. Secular treatment facilities have helped many people, regardless of religion, find healing from addiction.

Christian and Secular Rehab Differences

The primary difference between a Christian rehab program and a secular one is that Christian drug rehab treatment offers a faith-based approach. In addition to tending to your physical and emotional needs, Christian rehab centers base their treatment on Biblical principles, often those found in the well-known 12-step process.  They use these to guide addicts on their path to recovery. As you work with the treatment staff, you may go through a series of steps that include admitting your mistakes, taking responsibility for them, and asking forgiveness from others.

Christian addiction treatment centers are also ideally suited to handle issues of guilt, an emotion that weighs heavily on many addicts. Once your body is fully detoxed, it’s not uncommon to feel guilt over things you may have done while you were actively using or drinking. For example, a prescription drug addict may feel remorse for abandoning her children or a cocaine addict might be stricken with deep guilt for verbally abusing a family member. Christ-centered treatment programs are uniquely qualified to walk addicts through these intense emotions and find a way to ask for forgiveness from others and from God, as well as to forgive themselves. It’s critical to find this forgiveness; addicts who cannot are much more vulnerable to relapse.

Another advantage of seeking help from a Christian drug rehab treatment is the range of spiritual services they provide. Many centers offer activities like Bible studies, church services or Masses, spiritually-based support groups, and personal prayer and devotional time. You can expect to receive plenty of time for quiet reflection and meditation to help sort out the intense range of emotions you’re feeling.

Some Christian treatment centers may be the right choice if an addict either has no money or limited financial resources. Depending on the facility, it may be funded by religious communities or organizations rather than patient fees. As a result, these rehabilitation centers are able to provide quality treatment at a reduced cost.

When Christian Rehab May Not Be a Good Fit

While faith-based treatment centers have helped many heal, they may not be the right choice for some people.  Nick’s story vividly depicts this:

Nick grew up in a “good Christian home” – at least by all external appearances.  He, his parents and his two sisters went to church every Sunday morning and evening.  His father was a deacon in the church, and his mother played the piano.  Everyone thought they were the perfect family. 

But behind closed doors life was far from perfect.  Nick’s parents were extremely strict and rigid.  Discipline was harsh, and, for Nick at least, often included being whipped with a belt.  Nick and his sisters were obedient out of fear.  Yet, despite good behavior, it was rarely good enough.  Nick and his sisters were frequently berated for the smallest things – a missed crumb when wiping off the dinner table, a less than perfectly made bed, or a misspelled word on a homework assignment. 

Between the yelling, the name-calling (e.g. “wretched child”, “devil’s child”), the whippings, and the constant lectures about going to hell for being such a horrible child, Nick became increasingly depressed.  By his mid-teens he was using alcohol regularly.  It helped numb the pain he felt.  He obtained it from a friend whose parents entertained often and didn’t lock the liquor cabinet.  Nick managed to hide his drinking  from his unsuspecting parents; they were too involved in church activities to notice how lost and distant their son had become. 

By the time Nick graduated from high school, he had a serious alcohol problem. 

Fast-forward 5 years…  Nick, who was now living halfway across the country from his parents,  was on the verge of losing his job as a restaurant manager.  He had shown up to work one too many times with alcohol on his breath.  His boss, who had become a father figure to Nick, knew he was a good kid and didn’t want to fire him.  So, he told him he had to get into alcohol rehab if he wanted to keep his job. 

There were two treatment facilities in the area – both had excellent reputations. But, one was a “Christian” program.  Nick bristled when he found that out.  Although the staff was very pleasant, he opted to go to the secular program.  He knew that, no matter how good the Christian rehab program was, he would “see” his father and mother in the staff and never be able to trust them.  In fact, the mere thought of having the Bible “shoved down his throat” on a daily basis made him want to drink more than ever. 

Nick wisely chose the other program and successfully completed rehab.  He recently reached his three-year sobriety date, and celebrated with his fiancé over dinner.

While Nick’s childhood home situation wasn’t the norm, it certainly dictated many of the choices he made.  One of his friends went to the Christian rehab program a year later and told Nick how great it was.  Nick smiled and nodded, knowing deep down that he could attribute his sobriety – at least in part – to the wise decision he made to choose a secular treatment program. 

There are several reasons Christian alcohol and drug rehab treatment might not be in your best interest, just as it wasn’t for Nick.  These include the following:

• Did you grow up in a very strict Christian home? – If you were raised in an environment that defined godliness through punishment, you may not feel comfortable in a rehab program defined by its Christian principles. It can create significant internal conflict that may make it hard for you to focus on treatment.
• Did you grow up in a hypocritical Christian environment? – Conflicts can also sabotage treatment if you were raised by parents or caregivers who demanded Christian ideals from their children but acted in a very un-Christ-like manner themselves.  You may find that you have a very difficult time trusting the staff. You’ll be vulnerable to viewing them through the age-old filters from your childhood, wondering if or assuming that they’re hypocrites – just like your parents.
• Did you try Christian rehab before but found conflict for these or other reasons? – Achieving recovery is a process, and it can take several tries before it’s successful. However, if you’ve tried Christian rehab and found that the basis of the program triggered conflict that got in the way of recovery, it might be time to try a secular addiction treatment program.  Christian rehab can be a wonderful way to go for a lot of people, but trying to force yourself into a program that is going to trigger old issues or make you question the motives of every staff person, then it’s not going to help you – and could even make things worse.

The road to sobriety can be challenging; but it can be a little easier with the right team of professionals to provide support and resources. If you or a loved one needs treatment, reach out for drug rehab treatment—Christian or secular—before the addiction becomes worse and the consequences become increasingly severe. You can find healing. Make the decision to start now by choosing a program that feels right to you.

Getting into rehab for your addiction was a huge and important step. Making it through the process was an uphill battle. Now, you are out of rehab and back in the real world. The first thing you want to do is drink, right? No matter what anyone tells you before you go into recovery, resisting the urge to relapse once you are sober may just be the hardest part of all.

Once you are out of your support network and 24-hour care of a rehabilitation facility, you are largely on your own. You may have helpful and supportive family and friends, but you are the only one who can stop you from drinking again. You must find a way to cope with your feelings and the underlying reasons that you became an addict in the first place. Something has to replace the drinking and now is the time to find your healthy alternatives. Here are some ideas to get you inspired:

• Exercise. Now is a great time to get fit. Find a fun way to be more active, such as taking classes at a gym or learning how to dance. If you enjoy socializing with others, consider joining a league for soccer, baseball, basketball, or any other team sport. The more active you are, the less time you will have to think about drinking. Additionally, exercise and physical movement release natural feel-good chemicals in your brain, so you can literally get a natural high from working out. If you get bored easily, or if working out begins to feel like a chore, change it up and try different things.
• Get creative. Exercise and physical fitness are great for keeping your body fit and for keeping your mind clear, but mental fitness is also important. Stoke your creative fires and tame your urges to relapse. Engaging in something creative is a great way to express yourself and to release the tension that you feel when you have an urge to drink. Try painting, drawing, or even writing. Expressing your thoughts on paper, even if you are the only one who will ever read it, can be very therapeutic. If art has never been your strong suit, consider taking a class at your local community college or community center.
• Learn something new. In addition to the creative arts, your mind can benefit from learning something more academic. This could be practical. For instance, you might want to enroll in a local community college and work toward a degree. You can also learn something new just for fun. Maybe you have always wanted to go to Paris. Start learning French so you can go one day and speak with the locals.
• Focus on work. If you enjoy your job, dive in head first and take on new and more challenging projects. If you are not so satisfied at work, this could be a great time to work toward something new and better. Maybe a promotion at your current location is possible. If so, talk to your boss about what you need to do to earn that raise and new position and then put all your energies into doing it. You might also consider searching for and getting your dream job. This is a great way to focus your urges on something positive.
• Pick up a hobby. Maybe you used to work on model trains or you gardened, but your drinking got in the way. Now is the perfect time to get back into your old hobbies. They made you feel good in the past, so use them now as a way to resist the urge to drink. If things from the past hold too many negative memories, start up a new hobby.
• Spend time with family and friends. This may be the most important tool you have in your kit for releasing pressure and avoiding a relapse. When you feel bad, turn to a trusted confidant and vent. Take him out for a cup of coffee and have a good, long, healing talk. Surround yourself with friends and members of your family who are positive influences. A strong social life is key to staying sober and healthy.

Whatever you do to relieve tension and pressure, make sure it is not a return to the bottle. Having come this far, you know you have the strength to stay clean. Use these ideas to help you vent your frustrations and to find an outlet for your excess energy.

Whether you recently lost your spouse of 25 years or have been diagnosed with a major illness, the deep pain you feel can easily threaten the recovery you worked so hard to achieve and maintain. You may find yourself toying with the thought that getting drunk or high-and staying there-is the only conceivable way to ease the gut-wrenching emotions weighing on you. Despite everything you learned in your drug rehab treatment, grieving can be a risky process for any recovering addict. But, as painful as it is, it’s a necessary process.

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