How To Trust An Addict In Recovery

When you have had to cope with having a loved one struggle with addiction, you learn what it means to lose faith in someone. Addicts tend to abuse the trust of those they love when they’re wrapped up in their illness. Your loved one probably used and lied to you, let you down and maybe even stole from you. Now that he is in recovery, can you ever learn to trust him again? With effort and action on both sides, you can.

What Does It Mean To Trust?

Trust is something that is at the heart of all healthy relationships. We often think of being trustworthy as being naïve, but that is not always the case. In order to trust anyone you have to be willing to take a leap of faith. It means making yourself vulnerable and opening yourself up to the possibility of being deceived and hurt. Trusting means letting go of fear, and that is never easy, but in order to have a real and loving relationship again, you have to put that fear aside and take the plunge.

Opening up and letting go of fear take on whole new meanings when your trust is being given to someone who has already proven to be untrustworthy. Every bone in your body may be screaming that you cannot trust him again; all evidence might point to him not having earned your trust, and yet you still have a choice. Moving forward means building up trust once again. Without it you remain stagnant.

What Steps Will Lead To Trust?

Regaining trust when it has been lost means taking action. Most of that action needs to come from the recovering addict. He needs to do the legwork involved in proving that he is trustworthy once again. If he doesn’t yet realize this, you must sit him down for a serious talk about trust, moving forward, and what it will take on his part to earn your trust.

The first thing your recovering addict needs to do is acknowledge the ways in which he has broken your trust in the past. Explain to him how those instances hurt you and make it difficult for you to trust him now. The next step is action-oriented. For all the actions he took to break your trust, he must now do things that prove he is trustworthy. It takes many more instances of trustworthiness to bring back trust than it took deceitful actions to break down that trust, so make sure he is prepared to be patient and to be consistent.

An addict working toward regaining trust needs to always be aware of what he is doing that either earns or further erodes your trust. With every action he takes, or inaction sometimes, he needs to remember to do what he says he will do, be accountable for what he does or what he neglects to do, and always be reliable. He should be there when you need him, with no excuses.

What Can You Do To Trust Your Recovering Addict?

Most of the action needs to come from the addict earning back trust, but you also need to take steps toward opening yourself up again. Remember to be patient and take your time. Trust doesn’t happen overnight when you have endured so much betrayal. Don’t get frustrated with yourself if you continue to question him. Also be sure to be open and honest with your loved one. Trust cannot exist without communication. If you feel he has let you down in some way, don’t sulk. Talk to him about it. When both of you actively work toward rebuilding trust, you also rebuild your relationship—and that is worth the effort.

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